Some of you reading this are people-pleasers. What a great way to start an article, right?! No, seriously, some of you are more concerned than you should be about what others think, and I am writing specifically to you because, well, I can relate. IOf that is not you, there may be somthing here that you can use to help someone else see the need to say ‘no’ every once in a while at least.
Identifying the Problem
Many times in my life, I realized (mainly only after the fact) that I had overcommitted myself. By the time I came to my senses, it was too late. Overburdened by well-intentioned “yes”s and too busy to see things clearly, I can honestly say that I did this to myself. The question of ‘why’ had come and the certain frustration of ‘how’ was close at hand, but I simply did not see it coming. What gives?
I beleive that at the heart of my own self-perpetuating problem was an inordinate concern for what others think. I did not consciously work this out in my mind every time I was asked to help with a project or take on some new task. Most often, I simply thought to myself “I can do that!” or “I don’t have a good enough reason to say, ‘no’ to this…” As time has gone by, I have begun to rethink my reasoning. I now think that I did not then think enough about the concequences of my decisions...
Rather than draw this out, let me cut to the chase and just state bluntly that sometimes the most holy thing you can do is say ‘no.’ Sometimes it is better to decline participation in some activity or initiativ, even if it is something for which you don’t immediately feel you have a good enough reason to say ‘no’ to it. I know that may be hard for some of you, so let me explain…
The best way to determine whether you have a ‘good enough reason to say no’ is to take some inventoery of your current time commitments. What other things have you already said ‘yes’ to in the past? This list may be quite long. You may even come to see that you need to back out of some commitments in order to fulfill any of them. What good is a ‘yes’ if there is no margain to fulfill your commitment? More than that, what is most honoring to God? Try to prioritze what is most meaningful and necessary and axe the rest for a season. You may be surprised at what this assessment might yield and at the fruits of pruning out needless committments.
Perhaps an even better way to go through this would be to find someone who knows you and your weaknesses and strengths and is willing to speak truth into your life. If you don’t already have somone like that, seek counsel from your pastors/elders or someone you trust that has been walking with the Lord much longer than you.
Encouragement for Today
There may be some of you or even many of you who do not struggle with this issue. If that is you, I would encourage you to consider how you might be ahead help to someone in this situation so that you can help them to do the most holy thing and sayv ‘no’ sometimes.
If this article strikes a chord with you, I pray that you will seek the Lord and other fellow beloievers who might help you to overcome the deaire to say ‘yes’ to every request and learn to do what can sometimes be the most holy thing and say ‘no.’
Coram Deo
Thank you
Thank you my brother, I totally relate with your article. It is hard for me to say "no."